Wendy on the record

Wendy Fitzwilliam refers, in conversation, to what was, up to now, the watershed experience of her life as "Universe" Q: Congratulations. How has your pregnancy changed your life? A: Unbelievably, and in the most positive way. I've not been sick so far. [Giggles] I take this humongous responsibility very seriously. I won't do anything more significant. Unlike most other things you do, there's no second chance. When you find out you've failed [chuckles] it's a little too late. You see your kid on the ID Under attack for the first time, former Miss Universe Wendy Fitzwilliam, speaks to Sunday Express correspondent BC Pires in a wide-ranging interview. parade or the stripper's pole? [Laughing] Exactly! You don't get a second choice. It would be disingenuous to say you're glowing because you were before; you must be spontaneously combusting? [Laughing] Thank you! I'm very pleased. I'm not a child. These are choices I've made, to have a baby now, to do so in Trinidad, to not get married, fully aware of what the consequences would be. My travel manager during Universe, Linda, when I was really nervous about being able to live up to the pedestal Trinidadians had put me on, said, "Wendy, being you got you here! Being you is going to have to take you through the rest of your life!" So that's my guiding principle. There are aspects of me some people will love and things about me a few won't. I hope we can respect and move on. Trinidadians are brutally honest in their opinions and that's something I appreciate. It informs who I am and who Trinidadians are. That is part of what makes [us] special. You weren't that careful about when and where you made the announcement itself though? Yes. I chose very deliberately to disclose my pregnancy though not to Corpus Christi College specifically. I made it very clear to the Guardian that I would inform Trinidad and Tobago that I was expecting my first child. I honestly don't feel responsible to adult Trinidad and Tobago for anything. The life of a celebrity for adults is primarily for entertainment. This week people enjoy talking about Wendy, Brian, Brad-gelina [giggling]. With young people, you do have some influence. I have always felt a responsibility to young people and that's why I chose that forum. Still, is a girls' Catholic school really a good place for an unwed mother to be talking about condoms? Yes! Have you any idea of how many young unwed mothers come out of a Catholic school? [Laughs] I'm a practising Catholic You don't seem to have got the hang of some bits? [Laughs] I take my faith seriously. I agree with many things the church stands for but there are also things that I do not agree with. I have never made a secret of that. I've always been very frank in my position, if you go back to reels of the Paul & Nikki Show, about responsible sexual behaviour. There was one thing I thought I was slightly misquoted on in my presentation at Corpus Christi College and that was my position on marriage. While, in theory, I think marriage is an absolutely beautiful institution, in practice, [chuckling] I've not seen that. I know of only one truly successful union where both parties respect each other. I'm not saying my decision is right for anybody else. I'm at a stage in my life where I can, if need be, give my child the kind of attention, support, love, on my own. Divorce isn't rampant now; in my mind, divorce always happened: the man separated from the wife in the home. The pressure to not respect the institution of marriage is tremendous. A horn is a horn only if you take it orn. You see where I'm coming from? I want to get married but will not for any other reason than I feel I've stood the test of time in a relationship. My partner is a wonderful human being, has all of the right qualities. But this is Wendy's I'm not sure if "insecurities" is the right word or "jaded" either. I'm just cautious. I'm the product of a broken home, which was very traumatic for my sister and me. My parents' divorce was enough! I'm not living through that again. I don't want to be insensitive but the Express carried a report that your partner has a child with a former Miss Jamaica? Um-hum. To whom he was married. Do we see a pattern emerging here? [Laughing delightedly] Yes and no. [Chuckling] That says to me that he has good taste. Additionally, I've learnt to focus on how you treat me! I was never a trophy woman before so, yes, I'll admit, after Universe, it was exceptionally difficult dealing with trophy girl status. If I'm on a date and the phone rings and my date says into the phone, "Oh, I'm having dinner with Wendy Fitzwilliam", that's the last date! [Chuckles] The example [my partner] has given thus far says totally differently to me. He's not the first guy I've dated who's dated a former beauty queen. In fact, it's hard, when you get to my age to find a man who has not dated a beauty queen or model. Even if it's Miss Strawberry Patch in Arkansas! You played your Miss Universe success well because you're sensible but are beauty pageants good for most women? Yes, in moderation. They really do train young women in many of the social graces that get you ahead, whether it's a job interview, a relationship. You really do [become] a little more worldly. It is the equivalent of a finishing school for the elite. BC, before I got into [it], not in a million years did I think I would be either Miss Trinidad & Tobago or Miss Universe. In fact, when they tried to introduce Miss Cave Hill at the UWI, my girlfriend and I, who had been nominated to represent the faculty of law, derailed pageants completely. I felt, very much like most people, that they were demeaning and archaic. There is entertainment and there's a very shallow side: it's all about YOU! You being gorgeous, fabulous, fake. Pageants can emphasise what is ugly about being a woman: the super vanity, the cattiness. But the flip side is, it does open up a world of opportunity. Warner Brothers signed me to a development deal off of two lines I sang at Miss Universe. It took Alicia Keys seven years and she's a real super-musician. There are advantages to be had but that was true of slavery; are beauty pageants good for women? Yes! I think so. Not if you start too early. From age three your mother's dragging you to pageants and the family is obsessed with spending all their money to make sure you're cute. My experience has been really, really good. This is someone who came from the position that, "No way! Intelligent people don't do that! " I understood there was much more to pageantry than standing up on stage in a swimsuit or pretty dress. It is definitely a way to jump-start careers. The women at Universe recognise that. The prize package is nice, yes, but it's the start of. India is a country of one point something billion. If a Bollywood producer has an open call for a movie part, there will be 60,000 applicants. That's the average! What are your chances if you are just Lara Dutta? But if you are Lara Dutta, Miss Universe 2000, scripts will be coming at you! Pageants, at least the ones worth their salt, have evolved. It remains important, then, having been Miss Universe? To me? Not really. Actually, it is. It's an experience I'll never be able to live down, so I don't try to. If I discover the cure for Aids tomorrow as Dr Wendy Fitzwilliam, it will be reported as, [chuckling] "Former Miss Universe 1998 Wendy Fitzwilliam " [Laughs] I treat it as a great temporary job that created opportunities I would not otherwise have had but that's all it is. There is a very clear line between that experience and who I am. Unfortunately, some title- holders see it as the be all and end all, the ultimate achievement. No, no, no. That's the start of. Nelson Mandela didn't stop at getting out of jail and becoming the president of South Africa. He is still doing his bit. You know you're giving me a special delight: the beauty queen mentioning Nelson Mandela; it's like, "Who is your favourite man but you can't say, 'Nelson Mandela'? [Laughing] Well, yes, he is! What is remarkable about him is he is so humble. I find most truly successful people are. I met him in '99, during Universe. He was campaigning heavily for the ANC and he made time to visit with me all afternoon, ask about the West Indies cricket team, he'd read up on my family, wanted to know more about Mummy and Daddy. Obviously, somebody prepared a brief for him but the point is, during that time, I met so many world leaders and you get a handshake, take a pretty picture and move on. He took on Aids when it was wildly unpopular to even discuss. Bill Gates could be a ruthless businessman I'm sure but, again, another humble human being. You've chosen to be a good role model? By being me! That's why I disclosed my pregnancy. I could have done what so many Trinidadian women who want to have kids do: take a leave of absence and gone off to Los Angeles and come back with a cute kid. That's not me. My public persona reflects who I am. Maybe now my weakness will be highlighted. If I get angry when someone cuts me off on the highway, maybe they'll quickly call you and say, "BC, Wendy just fingered me". I hope I don't project anything other than who I am. All my life I've been the smiley-smiley type. That's my nature. I like being nice. It takes way too much energy to be ugly. I went through a phase, when my parents were getting a divorce, when I [alternately] loved or couldn't stand [my parents], particularly my father. And I just made up my mind that I couldn't be constantly angry at him. It used up too much energy. That's just not my personality. Don't be Whitney Houston pre-Bobby when you've always been Whitney post-. This is not the product of a media/PR machine. This is the product of Judy & Noel Fitzwilliam. Still there will be those who will say you shouldn't set the example of having a baby outside marriage? I can't live the rest of my life trying to please 1.3 million people. It's a very lonely place to be. Talk to Hasely, Brian, Ato. I am now 33 and am finally in a decent relationship. I'm not going to compromise that because 300,000 nationals have a problem with the choices my partner and I make. It's important to be honest with young people. When I was in form three, Errol Fabien visited St Joseph's Convent. He was brutally honest about his drug problem. How low he had gone. He started on the top of the world and actually became a vagrant in San Fernando before he was able to pull himself out. That seriously impacted all of us. When I moved to Los Angeles, you'd walk into a home and there'd be a stack of mirrors and hundred dollar bills and all the cocaine you could consume. The people you grew up admiring on television are the ones doing it. They're not hard-up crackheads. Errol's sharing definitely informed who I am. So I have a responsibility to give some of that back. trinidadexpress.com Leave Wendy Alone!!! By Cedriann J Martin Sunday, January 29th 2006 Wendy Fitzwilliam Some Trinidadians, apparently, salivate over the paper and slobber over the radio, waiting to wash their mouths on the news. And if that news has to do with sex, unwed women and babies, well well well, they will have a time. A bullet riddled teen mother and former Miss Universe make for refreshing lagniappe. Perhaps I'm being unfair. That may not be it at all. Perhaps there lives among us a sheltered bunch. They've marched along the straight and narrow all their lives, chins up and blinkers in place, never tottering off the edge or wandering onto back streets. So they really don't know that 13-year-olds get pregnant in this country all the time and they really can't fathom that beauty queens, too, have sex. How unfortunate. For the rest of us. Last week I listened with interest as Trinidad got up in arms about 15-year-old Kadeisha Mitchell. She was gravely injured when gun men sprayed her house with bullets on Sunday night. And she is now warded in hospital, reportedly asking for her 15-month-old daughter. Who is dead. The nation was properly shook up. Not because of how indiscriminate gunmen have become. (We quickly got over that after the Simple Song Panyard shooting, ent?) And it wasn't that the most innocent of innocents had her life snuffed out. It was that her mother was just 15. So they flip out their cantakerous calculators. "But she had to be about 13 or so when she get pregnant! Lord oy!" We then wonder aloud about what kind of parents she had. Why they didn't report the man. What she doing having sex and making chile when she should be studying books. One set of old talk. And the essence of it all is that I am better than you, we are different from them, here is better than there. Because if we were sincere about helping people avoid and deal with difficult situations, we'd stop bashing parents and offer them the support they need. If we met Kadeisha pre-Sunday night shooting we'd ask how we could help, not act astounded when we see her with baby in arms. We wouldn't joke and tell poor mothers-of-many: "forget about sex, nah. Watch TV until you fall asleep. Heh heh heh." And we wouldn't be satisfied with just having abstinence clubs in schools for the good, god-fearing girls. We would press our government to ensure that all children had access to the health and family life education that would equip them for often difficult realities. We act as though the extent of adult responsibility and civic mindedness is throwing a statutory rapist in jail. What about addressing the reasons why 13-year-olds in T&T are ushered into sexual activity? Why 9-year-olds are whored? Why pre teen boys are on the street? How come nobody rings up Umbala or (gag) the Gladiator to talk about that? Then there's Wendy. It is a separate issue in that here we have a professional, responsible woman in her thirties no less, who is happy to nurture her unborn child and excited to welcome him or her into the world. But some of use decide to treat Wendy in precisely the way that we treated Kadeisha. Speculate. Whisper. Judge. Point. They find all kind of thing to say. That she isn't married... I suppose it would be more honourable to call a fast wedding and hope people don't calculate so accurately. A couple years ago Jamie Lee Loy, the current residency coordinator at Caribbean Contemporary Arts, produced a documentary "Pro-test: Young Mothers Speak Out". It was about society's double messages. The way they berate women who choose to have terminations, then turn around and lambaste the ones who decide to have their babies. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Damned because we hold women to ridiculous standards. Nobody raised a stink when Brian Lara had a child out of wedlock. Or when Dwight Yorke did. Or when countless others have children of the extra-marital variety. It's not an issue. We expect that of our men. (For some weird reason Ato Boldon didn't speak up about his child for fear of condemnation. Ato, meh boy, you exempt.) But a grown woman has a child with a man she loves and the ruckus begins. I even heard some people complaining "but why she announce the pregnancy in a Catholic school?" As though she's no longer a good enough role model for young RC girls. May I submit that there are far more qualities that we should want our young women to emulate than sporting wedding rings and tiaras. Intelligence. Empathy. Generosity. Ambition. Those are the qualities that make a good woman, and they go a long way in making a good mother as well. On behalf of all sensible Trinis, Wendy, accept our congratulations. Kadeisha, accept our condolences. And both of you, accept our apologies. You know how they does get on. trinidadexpress.com